i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
