i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
