why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Randomize
