so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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