I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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