please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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