And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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