your room smells of hookers.
And success
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have tasted many bathrooms
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
