i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
