why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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