What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
