Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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