omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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