I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
