Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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