There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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