You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
