So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
