I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize