apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
