I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize