worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
