Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
