so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
