i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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