the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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