I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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