The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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