literally had 100 drinks last night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize