Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
