Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
