Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
