I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
