Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
