I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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