I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
