He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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