I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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