I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
