you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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