Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize