Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
