Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Randomize
