please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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