Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
