If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
