I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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