Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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