Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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