ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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