It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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