Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
