I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
