I want to stick my p in your. b.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
