If that was your dad, he is hot
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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