Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
