hell yes lets make some ravioli
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
