I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
