hell yes lets make some ravioli
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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