I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
