I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
