Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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