we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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