I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
