nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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