i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
