he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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